Examples from "Formula for Making a Thesis Statement"

In an earlier post I gave a formula for making a thesis statement. This formula helps you make a thesis statement that contains your position, a qualifier, and why you are correct despite the qualifier. I have my students practice this a few times with silly thesis positions. When each student has constructed two statements, I then put them in groups to construct a Super Thesis from the work they've already done.

Here are a few examples of the results from the class activity Formula For Making A Thesis Statement:

A.J.
Position: Behemoth is the best metal band.
Thesis statement:
Although many people like listening to mainstream garbage artists who have less talent than a baby getting it's diaper changed, Behemoth stamps on the faces of all the famous frauds who call themselves musicians; and therefore, Behemoth is the best metal band.

Josh
Position: Ms. Whiddon is evil
Thesis statement:
Ms. Whiddon says she wants to help us, but she only gave us 10 minutes to write two thesis statements and therefore, Ms. Whiddon is evil.

Caitlin
Position: The Internet should be monitored by the CIA.
Thesis statement:
Even though the Internet is a great way to express yourself, there are those who abuse it for their selfish reasons and could harm others which is why the Internet should be monitored by the CIA.

Devon
Position: SpongeBob invented the stapler.
Thesis statement:
Even though SpongeBob's world seems modern, Sandy's world seems old-fashioned, making it plausible that SpongeBob invented the stapler.

Levi
Position: Zombies smell like cheddar cheese.
Thesis statement:
Although Zombies are made of rotten flesh, everyone including Zombies, loves cheddar cheese and the lack of flesh exposes previously consumed cheese making Zombies smell like cheddar cheese.

Connor
Position: Teddy Bears make great murder weapons.
Thesis:
Although guns are efficient killing machines, teddy bears kill more people annually, therefore teddy bears make great murder weapons.

Group Thesis statements:

Group 1
Combination of the following positions:
1. Lady Gaga is evil.
2. Zombies smell like burning poo.
3. Zombies smell like cheddar cheese.
4. Hipsters are evil.
5. Justin Bieber is a robot.
6. Behemoth is the best metal band.

Thesis:
Against the popular belief that Lindsey Lohan was the first Zombie celebrity, we have specific evidence that during the Zombie apocalypse, Lady Gaga was the first to turn into a zombie that smells like burning poo and cheddar cheese while the alien hipsters were listening to a robotic Justin Bieber
trying to impersonate Behemoth.



Group 2
Combination of the following positions:
1. Ms. Whiddon is evil.
2. Teddy Bears make great murder weapons.
3. Ice cubes cause cancer.

Thesis:
Although Ms. Whiddon appears to be an outstanding citizen in society, as she has founded the Teddy Bear foundation; Ms. Whiddon is actually a master villain who puts cancerous ice cubes in fish tanks and sells teddy bears that explode and kill people.


I have the groups compete against each other at the end for prizes. This is a fun classroom experience for me and the students. Here is the ORIGINAL POST on how to construct thesis statements.