The lesson of forgiveness is one of the hardest lessons I've needed to learn in my life. Like most people, I thought that it was important to keep in mind the wrongs that others had done to me. (It just seemed like the responsible thing to do.) I never forgot who was an asshole. But guess what? The real asshole was me.
Yes! I was being a total asshole to myself. Those other people didn't remember those wrongs - I did. They didn't walk around with the burden of hurting my feelings. No - I did that to myself. I burdened myself with memories of negative times and people. And holding on to all that was not doing me any good.
But when I let go - and I mean REALLY let go - great things happened. I started living the life I was supposed to live - not a life filled with bad memories. And I started breathing better. Really.
If you are burdened by not forgiving someone, here is a little way to start healing yourself:
(DO this now!)
1. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose and then slowly out through your mouth.
2. Let go. Let your mind go, let your muscles go, let your jaw go.
3. Smile.
4. Repeat as necessary.
It really is that simple.
How long has it been since you've taken a slow, deep breath like that? If it's been a while, then try to do this at least 10 times a day. One way to remind yourself is EVERY time you see the color yellow, do these steps.
And remember - forgiving someone else is really just loving yourself!
Here is a video from Marianne Williamson that helps explain the personal power of forgiveness.
When my wife decided to end our marriage, I was devastated for many, many months. I hated her for what she had done and that hatred turned me into a useless, horribly depressed, dysfunctional human being. At that point, not only was I sad for losing what was my lifes meaning......but I had the unbearable weight of anger and self pity.
ReplyDeleteA friend had suggested reading Eckhart Tolle's THE POWER OF NOW....those pages may have literally saved my life. That was my first insight to what the anger and pain were doing to me, and the things I could practice to learn to release the turmoil in my head.
I had always had it in my head that to forgive someone meant admitting that what they had done was "OKAY" to do....wasnt the case at all. What was done was fucked up and thoughtless on every count. But it had happened, it was over, and the only thing keeping it alive was my refusal to let it go. I continuously breathed life into it many times a day....it was exhausting.
There is magic in ever present moment...but we blind ourselves to it by reliving the past, or freaking out about a future that may never come to be. I have truly forgiven my ex wife, Ive actually even thanked her on occasion for ending a ruined marriage that I likely would never have had the guts to bring to an end. I'm proud to say that we are friends now. Thats not to say that we agree on everything, or that she doesn't frustrate me beyond belief from time to time. But she isn't perfect, and neither am I. We share a lifetime of memories, and are stuck with each other regardless of forgiveness or grudges. Its so much easier to say laugh and say "Youll never change, I dont know HOW we stayed together sooo long!!" Forgiving is the first step to caring about your own self.